Damnit, Bess
January 25th, 2008
Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT muffmarkets.com) was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school’s “French Club.” Today, Ms. Benson-Perella is the Founder and Managing Director of “Muffie on Markets” (http://www.muffmarkets.com), a deep dive into capital markets, finance and investment strategy. She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy.
There are a lot of sketchy characters in finance. Some people who ran hedge funds don’t have any sort of finance background at all, if you can believe that. Or any business education.
I’ve been trying to figure out strategies to invest for MuffCap, LLC and I thought that I would talk to some experts who had already been successful investors. Bess played a terrible joke on me. She pointed me to this guy she said had run a really successful hedge fund and that I could learn a lot from him. So I started chatting with him online. It is pretty obvious Bess was joking. I think you can pretty much tell from the chat log.
10:27:41 AM muffiehbs05: Hi.
10:27:43 AM CilantroFP: yo shit
10:27:50 AM muffiehbs05: Yo shit?
10:27:51 AM CilantroFP: hey sorry
10:27:54 AM CilantroFP: wrong im lo0l
10:28:07 AM CilantroFP: who’s this
10:28:21 AM muffiehbs05: I’m Muffie, who do you think I am, sheesh
10:28:31 AM CilantroFP: haha no idea
10:29:09 AM muffiehbs05: Well, I read your book and I’ve started a hedge fund (See the details at http://www.muffmarkets.com) and I thought I would say hello and try and, you know, see what I might learn.
10:29:38 AM CilantroFP: cool, hey there!
10:29:46 AM muffiehbs05: Hey there!
10:30:26 AM muffiehbs05: Or, I dunno, maybe there isn’t much to learn?
10:30:43 AM CilantroFP: oh your that muffie!
10:30:51 AM muffiehbs05: “That Muffie” ?
10:30:57 AM muffiehbs05: How many are there? My name is pretty unique.
10:31:09 AM CilantroFP: muffie from dealbreaker who bess keeps pointing me to whenever i bug her about reviewing my book10:31:33 AM muffiehbs05: You want me to review your book?
10:31:37 AM CilantroFP: yes!
10:31:51 AM muffiehbs05: Well, I don’t write for DB anymore, after I had to leave The Bank.
10:32:01 AM CilantroFP: ah that sux i’m sorry
10:32:07 AM CilantroFP: well review it on your site and i’ll link
10:32:15 AM muffiehbs05: But I’ve got about 7500 daily viewers.
10:32:33 AM CilantroFP: niiiiice
10:32:52 AM CilantroFP: maybe u can have a contest and i’ll ship your reader 2-3 free books
10:33:17 AM muffiehbs05: So, look, not that I don’t want to become a publicity outlet for your book and anything, I’m sure that’s helpful, but I really wanted to try and learn about strategy for my fund, you know. Maybe you could actually do something for me considering all the things you want me to do for you?
10:33:41 AM CilantroFP: haha ok definitely
10:33:44 AM CilantroFP: what kind of fund
10:33:55 AM muffiehbs05: Well, I don’t know yet.
10:34:06 AM muffiehbs05: I have capital already.
10:34:23 AM CilantroFP: cool, better than i ever did!
10:34:47 AM CilantroFP: well whats your strategy/goals/experience
10:34:55 AM muffiehbs05: Well see, I’m not totally sure yet.
10:35:05 AM muffiehbs05: Goals, make good returns, duh.
10:35:29 AM muffiehbs05: Experience, several years at The Bank. HBS. Vassar.
10:36:04 AM CilantroFP: gotcha that all means nothing to me–that sounds like you’re all traditional investment banking doing deals and taking fees
10:36:10 AM CilantroFP: i’m just a trader without any connections
10:36:34 AM muffiehbs05: Traditional investment banking deals? Do you think I work for Bank of America or something?
10:37:41 AM muffiehbs05: I’m trying to learn how to make money. I have capital already. I thought you were kind of the grass-roots, everyman’s hedge fund guy?
10:38:15 AM CilantroFP: yah i can teach u trading
10:38:19 AM CilantroFP: if thats what u want to do
10:38:20 AM muffiehbs05: You can?
10:38:29 AM CilantroFP: yeah thats what i do, teach others to be better than me
10:38:30 AM muffiehbs05: Well, don’t you have to trade to have a hedge fund?
10:39:22 AM CilantroFP: nah theres all k ind of hedge funds and strategies
10:40:04 AM muffiehbs05: Like what?
10:41:04 AM CilantroFP: private equity, macro, currencies, commodities, a million diff markets
10:41:10 AM CilantroFP: i trade us smallcaps
10:41:12 AM CilantroFP: not very scalable
10:41:17 AM CilantroFP: but u can make a few mil/year
10:41:21 AM muffiehbs05: What are Diff Markets?
10:41:29 AM CilantroFP: different markets
10:41:32 AM muffiehbs05: Ah!
10:41:42 AM muffiehbs05: Well, so how much capital is good to start with?
10:41:52 AM CilantroFP: depends on your strategy and risk tolerance
10:42:07 AM CilantroFP: for mine u only need a few thusand
10:42:12 AM CilantroFP: aka why i went the mainstream route
10:42:15 AM muffiehbs05: But I have a lot more than that.
10:42:26 AM muffiehbs05: So do I need a different strategy?
10:42:46 AM CilantroFP: correct, mym strategy only works up to $10mil or so
10:43:02 AM muffiehbs05: Really?
10:43:18 AM muffiehbs05: So if I had, $5 million… it would still work?
10:43:36 AM CilantroFP: sure
10:43:40 AM CilantroFP: its actually perfect for that
10:43:48 AM CilantroFP: i’m just too excitable and undisciplined
10:44:03 AM muffiehbs05: Me too!
10:44:14 AM CilantroFP: bess was right, we’ll get along just fine
10:44:23 AM muffiehbs05: Hah!
10:45:01 AM muffiehbs05: My investors have a high risk tolerance. They really don’t care if I lose a lot of money.
10:45:17 AM CilantroFP: cool, welcome to my life then
10:45:30 AM muffiehbs05: Yeah?
10:45:53 AM muffiehbs05: Where did you get your MBA?
10:46:55 AM CilantroFP: ha i was a philosophy major at tulane!
10:47:01 AM CilantroFP: none of that ivy shit
10:47:07 AM muffiehbs05: No MBA?
10:47:39 AM CilantroFP: nah i was too busy making my 2nd million
10:47:53 AM muffiehbs05: Oh. Well what investment bank did you work at?
10:48:26 AM CilantroFP: http://timothysykes.com/index.php/books/library.html
10:48:28 AM CilantroFP: this is all i know
10:48:33 AM CilantroFP: no corporate experience whatsoever
10:48:42 AM muffiehbs05: You didn’t work at an investment bank?
10:48:43 AM CilantroFP: learned everything through trial and error and reading
10:48:54 AM CilantroFP: haha no, i started in high school
10:49:11 AM muffiehbs05: Wait, your book was TRUE?
10:49:15 AM muffiehbs05: I thought it was ficiton?
10:49:20 AM CilantroFP: nooooooooooooo
10:49:22 AM CilantroFP: it was 100% true
10:49:24 AM CilantroFP: lol
10:49:29 AM muffiehbs05: You know like Catcher in the Wheat or whatever…
10:49:49 AM CilantroFP: LOL, thats funny
10:49:56 AM muffiehbs05: What?
10:50:04 AM CilantroFP: that u thought it was fiction
10:50:17 AM muffiehbs05: So, wait, you didn’t get an MBA or work at an investment bank?
10:50:32 AM CilantroFP: nope
10:50:40 AM CilantroFP: always just worked from my dorm room/bedroom
10:50:48 AM muffiehbs05: Uh, ok.
10:50:55 AM muffiehbs05: Yeah. So, I have to run. Talk to you later.
10:51:56 AM CilantroFP: cya
Not funny, Bess.
January 25th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Nice, if you still want to learn about smallcaps and microcaps, just visit my blog. My teachings are free daily, all my success, mistakes, lessons learned on display for everyone, no detestable ivy league/MBA BS whatsoever, just pure trial and error trading, pure financial speculation–the same kind that helped me turn $12k into $2mil in 4 years without any leverage/connections/fancy offices blah blah blah
January 26th, 2008 at 1:36 am
Muffie are you serious?
You are so biased towards your piece of crappy paper education. that gets you in the door and thats it! please just shut up about your “HBS”. because that is now not worth much in the real world were people want to see results. Just make some money because that is what matters and the guy you chatted with has already done that. so where does that leave you? the bottom like everyone else.
January 26th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Call me when you graduate from Life.
January 26th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Did you really just blow off a great trader because he didnt work at an investment bank or go to an Ivy league school? I graduated from a lonely state school but am 100% confident I could trade cirlces around your paper education. This is a joke
FYI The market doesnt care where you graduated from when you hit the buy and sell button. It sounds like your hedge fund strategy is aimless, a great way to lose it all.
January 26th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Wow and people actually give you money?
You have no track record you just worked at a BBB like thousands of other aimless people from decent schools.
So he has a lot more trading experience and success than you, you have a piece of paper. That’s not a good attitude to have until you’ve actually accomplished something. You haven’t. And you’re proud of talking down to people that have actually done stuff?
January 26th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Well, God weighed in so I will too. Muffles, you are an over privileged idiot. This was the most amusing thing I have read in 2008. I think you may want to check with a mental health professional as it appears you believe the chat log makes Timothy Sykes look like a poser.
10:28:21 AM muffiehbs05: I’m Muffie, who do you think I am, sheesh
10:28:31 AM CilantroFP: haha no idea
0:35:29 AM muffiehbs05: Experience, several years at The Bank. HBS. Vassar.
10:36:04 AM CilantroFP: gotcha that all means nothing to me–that sounds like you’re all traditional investment banking doing deals and taking fees
10:36:10 AM CilantroFP: i’m just a trader without any connections
0:33:17 AM muffiehbs05: So, look, not that I don’t want to become a publicity outlet for your book and anything, I’m sure that’s helpful, but I really wanted to try and learn about strategy for my fund, you know. Maybe you could actually do something for me considering all the things you want me to do for you?
10:34:47 AM CilantroFP: well whats your strategy/goals/experience
10:34:55 AM muffiehbs05: Well see, I’m not totally sure yet.
10:45:01 AM muffiehbs05: My investors have a high risk tolerance. They really don’t care if I lose a lot of money.
Uhhhhhhhhh, sure.
But the da devil agrees with what you said at the beginning of your post:
There are a lot of sketchy characters in finance.
Shew honey, YOU.
January 26th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Maby nobody has broken this to you yet but this is what I when i looked up “Muff” on Wikipedia. The external genital organs of the female are collectively known as the vulva or muff (plural vulvae or vulvas).[1] In common speech, the term vagina is often used to refer to the vulva or female genitals generally, although, strictly speaking, the vagina is a specific internal structure, whereas the vulva is the exterior genitalia.[2]
The vulva has many major and minor anatomical structures. Its development is done in several phases: fetal and pubertal periods are the most important. True door of the human matrix, it protects its opening by a “double door”: the labia majora and the labia minora as well as a vulval vestibule, and a normal microbial flora that flows from the inside out. However, a regular hygiene permits a good vulvovaginal health. The vulva is more susceptible to infections than a penis.
All these external body structures also have a sexual function associated with pleasure - they are richly innerved and participate in the sexual intercourse when they get properly stimulated. Since the origin of the human society, the vulva — the “lost paradise” of men and women — has been the subject of various art performances depicting the power this organ has “to give life” (i.e., often confused and associated with the vagina in pre-historic periods and antiquity and less and less, as human science progressed), and the sexual pleasure it provides to the human kind.
This article deals with the human vulva, although the structures are similar for other mammals
aka. Tim Obviousy thought you were just a nother hore who whanted to “Suck on This”
January 26th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Moderate this.
January 26th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
ok This web site has gooooot to be a Joke I cant honestly belive that someone named there daughter Muffie
January 27th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Seriously you sound like an idiot. Tim Sykes may not be the best or even a good fund manager but at least he has some experience. You don’t even know different strategies for funds and you’re trying to start one? Maybe letting people ‘dive into your muff’ is the only way you’ve made it this far?
January 27th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Muff,
Honestly, the font size is too small and the font color is too light.
Something about “dive into muff”?
At any rate, interesting to see you post a chat log. Isn’t Cilantro a bit peeved about that?
January 28th, 2008 at 12:00 am
wow, you are a complete idiot. if you want to have sex, give me a call, but that is as close as you would ever get to my money…
January 28th, 2008 at 6:03 am
Muffie dearest, glad to see you’re back writing. We’ve all missed seeing you at dealbreaker and you never seem to be at the club!
Sorry to hear about having to leave the Bank, but I’m sure you’ll find that you’re much more suited to life in the boutiques (both kinds, of course).
It’s a shame that so many people don’t know your history from DB. They’ll really appreciate your skills, contributions, and incredible potential.
Great job with the Cilantro chat!
January 28th, 2008 at 7:44 am
wow … commenters are you people for real?
January 28th, 2008 at 8:09 am
…This has better be a joke…
Or, Ms. Muffie, we will wait for the news of billions of dollars of trading loss from your ‘fund’ to come out very, very soon. Not that it’s news to have such trading losses right now, but how little capital it took to ‘accomplish’ such might be news indeed.
Guess there is a good reason why you did not get an offer after your i-banking stunt. And if you are going to sound like this going forward, please kindly refrain from telling people that you are a graduate of HBS.
January 28th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I’ll help you Muffie. Come over and sit by the fire.
January 29th, 2008 at 6:28 am
“You are so biased towards your piece of crappy paper education. that gets you in the door and thats it! please just shut up about your “HBS”.
I know it is hard for people to accept that we live in a class-based society. We aren’t communists here so just drop all the equality nonsense.
“…because that is now not worth much in the real world were people want to see results. Just make some money because that is what matters…”
This totally ignores the role of class and style. Look, all the money in the world doesn’t seem to have landed Steve Forbes a pretty wife. And all you have to do is watch those new-money hedge funders buying up everything and poking holes in old-masters paintings to understand that class matters.
“Maby nobody has broken this to you yet but this is what I when i looked up “Muff” on Wikipedia. The external genital organs of the female are collectively known as the vulva or muff (plural vulvae or vulvas).”
That’s absurd. And, by the by, it’s spelled “maybe.”
“Great job with the Cilantro chat!”
Thanks!
“I’ll help you Muffie. Come over and sit by the fire.”
I don’t get it? What fire?
Look, I really don’t want to deal with a lot of negative comments from non-Harvard people about Harvard, ok? Save that for whining on IvyGate about Emeril Lagasse being your commencement speaker. Last time I checked Penn was a state school, so I’m not sure what some of you people think you have to say about the Ivies.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:29 am
“Did you really just blow off a great trader because he didnt work at an investment bank or go to an Ivy league school?”
Siz, you gotta be f’ing kidding right? Tim is a great trader? Are you on crack or something? I bet this is Tim himself writing.
Btw Muffie, I’m sorry to hear all the idiots commenters saying stupid things, the joke is on them honey…
On another note, I don’t think your picture is set correctly. You look so much hotter in your DB picture. The fact that it is the same picture tells me that your website setting is not right (i.e., you need to strecth the picture longer)
PS: I love your blog, keep writing, I wanna see more!!!
January 30th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
[…] book as a great overview for beginner investors), HighChartPatterns likes it, Muffie is a typical Wall Street snob/idiot, and New York Magazine is more interested in me calling the SEC rapists (I’m not whining, I just […]